Someone’s Queen,
I don’t know why I remembered you today just like I
recollect you very single twilight from years. I have no idea on what I’m
thinking recently. I feel have lost sharpness towards life, passion towards
success, disturbed from core & no grit. Do you know something? I always
kept your goals as my bench marks, your intentions were my ambitions & I
lived for it. May be this is my secret of little success & being something
productive. And now I’m just an archer with no aim!!
I stopped writing to
you few years back because I felt my insanity may hurt others. The time
elapsed, there was some betterment, actual good & some of my calculated
risks were fruitful. The vagrant started making his own bread & butter
& turned barter to coinage!! You motivated me to roam many parts of my
country and borders, live in others shoes, running towards enormous knowledge,
varied practical experiences & many more. Your stimulus made me cross my
confines & raise to reach for more.
You know, I’m a fragile soul. I want to shut the door &
sit alone in an armistice for weeks avoiding all social contacts, networking,
Office & write a book which I started long back. But I am in no position
for that state. Nineteen hours of my day is not sufficient to expand myself to
grander golly & no instant inkling too. Sometimes I feel like I’m no one in
this world just like everyone else. I don’t know what I’m searching for or what
it is. I’m always surrounded by people & still I feel my solitude.
May be I am wrong!! I thought I’m going lazy these days. I’m
letting others to win over me without much effort. I was a pacific person &
now anger is getting into my head. I’m getting outraged when a car in front of
me blinks right indicator & turns left. I’m annoyed on social system, some
film star, politician, traffic, people around, friends, clients, mobile
network, slow internet, electricity & the list grows. I would have ended
many arguments more peacefully letting things go & I felt tiny remorse
later. A little more ‘ego’ is letting me down to abyss. I have been
misunderstood by people many times though my intention was good. It’s too
difficult for me to digest others stupidities these days & I have turned
myself a fool by quarreling with them.
I’m not enjoying long rides anymore. Being a born nomad I’m
not excited about travelling, resorts, fancy restaurants, pubs, clubs, luxury
spirits, distinctive cuisines & Pizzas!! Holidays, festivals, parties,
cloths, shopping, concerts, movies, TV, music is getting jaded. Nowadays I have done these things forcefully
for the sake of others. I have almost lost concerns on stuffs I valued most
since the beginning. I’m still trying to establish something from my research
thesis & I hope I’ll get succeed!!
I believe in change which always hurts. I have always chosen
the difficult task to explore & try to find solution with easy ‘modus
operandi’. I love challenging environment which can keep my mind engaged & teach
how to magnify myself more! I have to be exultant now on. My own analysis suggested that i'm Irrational & i don't have any answers. I should try new things which I haven’t tried now.
I have to involve more in physical activities like sports, gym, dance, running
or anything which keeps me healthy & sound minded.This is my big year!! I
have to accomplish many projects, livelihood plans & very 2016 designs I have
dreamed from 10 years!! I know you’ll accompany me no more & I’m on my own
against this wild world!! I’ll try to be more people friendly!! Hope is my only
option!! I have to do it or perish… & let the war begins!!
Everlasting Nonentity…
Suri
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